Fiction can never become Reality
by truegoldeneyes
Summary: Taking place just after the bench scene. Tilly and Jen struggle with the break n the two lovers ever get back, or must they forever wash away the marks and prints that each other have left upon them?
1. Cleansing the pain

How can someone else know what is best for you when they've torn the only thing left making you happy away? Tilly shuddered as she remembered the moment when her life was tipped upside down.

It was the only way to let her go, Jen thought to herself, to hurt her more than she deserved but enough to make her hate her. But lest she know the extent to the damage she had placed upon herself. She could feel herself slowly closing in on itself. The pressure building on her heart, escalating from the moment she left Tilly. Once reaching her flat she had succumbed to the pain and the hurt and collapsed on a heap, just inside the front door. Her arms had wrapped around herself, as if she could hold her body together. She remained here until she heard the front door turn and tried to cmpose herself into a more respectful position. She braced a smile but knew it didn't reach her eyes. This didn't go unoticed by the house owner.  
Diane walked in oblivious to the current pain her friend was gong through "you alright love?" she asked chirply. The only reply she received was an almost impercievable nod off Jen butplaced this down to her being tired.  
"Do you know what Diane I think im going to just go up to bed now, im ot hungr so don't worry about tea, im just tired, sorry" Jen said quietly whilst making the wa up the stairs just turning around to hear Dianes reply "okay, dont worry about it love, hope you feel better tomorrow" she said as she watched the retreating figure make its way up the stairs. There was a distinct droop to her shoulders, almost as if she had slumped in on herself. Dianes thoughts went to her friend, wondering what was wrong. She would have to see in the morning, best to leave it for now she thought.  
In her room upstairs Jen sat front of her mirror, wondering if it was just her who could see her heart shattering, the tears threatening to leak over from her eyes. The melting chocolate colour going dull, the spark. All she wanted to do was to return to that bench and hold her tilly, and tell her she wold never leave her again. But she had known that that could never happen. Not only would it be irresponsible on her behalf, but she knew tilly would never take her back, nit after what she just did to her, if what she was gong through was any comparisom she knew she wouldnt take her back.

In Tilly's room, she sat after coming back to a cold empty house, reflectin how she felt. She couldn't do anything but just lay there as her life collapsed around her. Succumed to the reality that no matter how much she has wished and dreamed, fiction could never become reality. She didn't see what more she couldve done. Even Jen had admitted it was her that broke the rules, surely she could be trusted! Obviously not… she was left broken without the help of anyone to bring her back together.. even if Jen had broke her heart she would never betray her, she loved her with all her being. Nothng would change that. She wold just have to learn to deal with it. Learn to go on, normally, without the involement of the certan art teacher. Learn to avoid her at all cost as she knew if she was lef alone, all compramise and her will would dissolve and she wouldn't hold back.  
She had no one now. No one she could turn to. No one who cold ever comfort her the way Je— NO she wouldn't hurt herself thinking of her. She needed to forget everything, to feel nothing for this inconsiderate women.  
With the anger burning inside, her coursing its way through her veins she couldn't help feel the touch of her against her skin. She ran herself her bath and allowed it to wash away the touch of the women she loved. Removing any scent which lingered from their last encounter. Cleansing her soul as it washed away any taint left behind.

she scrubbed until her porcelain skin turned red and stung, only then did she allow herself out, finally being rid off "her". she entered the bedroom feeling the hollowness of the empty space before her. It echoed around until it became unbearable for Tilly and she placed her headphones and drifted off finally into a dreamless sleep.

For Jen there was no 'dreamless sleep' that awaited her when she lay in her bed, instead she was woken up every hour, her body aching and reaching out for the comfort of someone else. In the end it became too much and by 4'oclock she was awake and had gotten everything ready for the approaching day. Already the dread seeping into her as she saw the lessons that she had a double lesson in which she was have to endure the company of Tilly. Perhaps she could avoid having to talk to her. They were after all a level students and shouldn't need to much help.

With that resolved in her head, Jen decided to go on a run, to clear away the bad dreams, to run away and put off what it coming...

Tlly woke up restless as though no sleep had occurred. She couldn't stay locked inside her room anymore. She felt trapped as if it were closing in around her.. She needed to escape, she threw on some joggers and ran outside, barely registering the time, just needing to full fill the need to get away. She just walked on, taking in the breezing cold air that reguvanated her. Slowly calming herself down until finally she came to a stop.

Looking around she took in her surroundings. She was surrounded by green, the light cascading in through the trees as the sun beun to rise, it was only then did she realise the earliness in which she had risen and took into account how peaceful it was. the oly sund coming from a soft pattering, becoming louder and louder, to a steady beat. It wasoly as she begun to walk out back to civilisations did she see the figure approaching her..

Jen barely even recognised where she was going she wanted to get somewhere else. As though her soul could lead her anywhere she looked up to see the slim figure of Tilly just mere metres away from her. hshe came to a hault as she saw Tlly lift her head to meet her eyes, those green eyes pierving her so deeply as the cutting her throug and through as hair ginger hair lew is the light breeze, she looked stunning, even in this situation Jen couldnt help but be taken aback but the shear beauty of her, the suns light was creating an incandescent glow around her. how was she going to get out of this? so much for avoiding her...


	2. Excuses and a Double Lesson

Tilly couldn't believe it. Why was it always who you wanted to avoid the most turns up everywhere? She thought to her self. It wasn't fair. Right now all she wanted was to disappear into the shrubbery and hide away from Jen, but she knew that wasn't an option.

Jen just stood there, she didn't know whether she could ever talk, her mouth had run as dry as sandpaper, and she could feel herself goggling at Tilly. She quickly shook herself of and went into her teacher mode, even though no one was about she had promised Tilly she couldn't be like that anymore

"hello Tilly, whats got you outside so early?" She kept her voice level but could feel her body aching to lean forward and embrace the younger girl.

It took awhile before Tilly had even registered Jen had spoken, she was still in shock. Even in a jumper and some joggers Jen still looked beautiful and the fresh air had given her cheeks some redness and Tilly couldn't help but notice accentuated her features even more. However she could see the shadows under her eyes and wondered where they had come from. 'surely she hasn't be crying over me, or lost any sleep she was the one who ended it after all, what reasons has she got to be upset?' As she was lost in her thoughts she saw Jens lips move and finally replied.

"sorry, was just thinking... Oh erm i was just up early, just stress you know? What about you, your up early?" Tilly couldn't help but notice herself how dad her voice sounded, and she wasn't going to let Jen know she was woken by the dreams of her leaving. She had been hurt enough by this woman, she wasn't gong add any fuel to the fire.

Jen's heart tightened as she heard Tilly talk. The usually bright and bouncy girl seemed almost deflated but she could do nothing about that now, she had to just pretend she didn't hear it and continue."oh, yes, of course your exams are coming up" how could she have forgotten, in the time when Tilly needed focus and stability all she had done was make things harder for the girl! Feeling worse now than ever Jen decided she needed to go now before she regretted dong something that she knew better than to do. "well i better leave you to it then, good luck. I will see you around" Jen made her hurried escape but couldn't help but notice the ginger girls mouth open as if to protest but then perceivably shut again. She didn't want to leave her there butit wasn't her place to do anything about, not anymore.

Tilly wanted to grab Jens arm as she passed her. To shout don't leave me again. To have Jen soothe her aching soul but none of that was going to happen. It couldn't. All Tilly could feel was all the hurt Jen had caused building up in her heart. She had the perfect opportunity to speak to her as a friend, not a teacher to a student but a comforter. Instead she bailed, like she always did. It was obvious to Tilly now what she wanted, what mattered to her, and it wasn't her. this broke Tilly even further, she had to make it right. Jen was definitely going to see her around.

When Tilly returned to the village, it had started to wake up. She went home and prepared for the day, knowing full well she had a double lessen with Jen she made herself look as thou she couldn't be happier and took extra care with her outfit and make up, even though all she wanted to do was crawl under her quilt and lay there until something worthwhile came and woke her up again. But she knew if she was going to get Jen back she had to face the music.

Maddie met her as usual complimenting her on her attire implying that Tilly was trying to impress someone new. Tilly just shook this off and laughed along but her heart wasn't in it. Maddie saw this but decided against asking, if Tilly had something seriously wrong she would tell her, she told herself.

whilst the rest of the gang chatted aimlessly away Tilly found herself reflecting on all the shared moments between her and Jen and how this could suddenly break. That was the thing it couldn't suddenly disappear. They had a connection that went beyond the rules of society and into a world beyond it. They created their own storyline and Tilly didn't want the ending to come, Jen was her fairytale, her safety, her happiness, surely Jen felt some off that as well. Tilly was determined to found out.

The bell brought Tilly out of her reverie And into the current situation. Double art. Although she wanted to ask Je- Miss Gilmore how she felt, she truly didn't feel ready, her heart didn't feel ready to face her again.

She pushed away the thoughts of skipping the class and facing illness, even knocking on deaths door Tilly wold never miss class, so she knew it wouldnt be believable so she stood there in lines with the rest of the class waiting for 'Miss Gilmore' to let them in.

Jen sat in her chair listening to the approaching students line up outside and she felt herself tighten automatically at the thought of seeing Tilly again. She called for the students to enter and they squeezed through the door in a bundle of bags and jackets but she found her eyes drawn helplessly to one student who she was usually greeted with warm smile, her eyes sparkling, instead she received nothing and felt her heart drop at the lack of emotion she saw. The eyes which bore into hers held no light as she took her seat. She look stunning today Jen thought. Tilly had let her hair fall naturally today, leaving out the bow which is the way Jen loved it, she had applied minimal makeup, just enough to define the curve of her lips and the greenness of her eyes.

Jen could feel her resolve slowly slipping and forced herself to look away, focusing on the lesson, she set students a task.

"okay i want you guys to paint an portrayal of a strong emotion you have felt. Whether it be love..(she felt her eyes drawn to Tillys face before she quickly continued).. Or hate, or jealously, show me it in any form. I want them handed in by the end of the 2 hours" as she was walking, as if by habit she found herself walking by Tilly's desk and her hand reaching out to touch the back of her neck, she snatched back her hand and walked quickly back to her desk.

Tis movement didn't go by unnoticed by Tilly and Jen saw her eyes following heraround the room.. This was going to be a long two hours..

**i hope you like this chapter :) I don't want to be one of those people that beg for reviews but your opinions are welcome and id love to hear what you think and where this should go.. Will ty and upload as much as possible :) **


	3. Task and torment

The two hours were going agonisingly slow. Jen had spent the last 20 minutes staring at the beaut in front of her work. Jen couldnt help herself. Tillys face was free of the constricting emotions Jen often saw on Tilly's face, it was relaxed, but her eyes shone with the joy Jen could see Tilly got painting or drawing, but they were slightly squinted as she worked on the fine details of her artwork. It was peaceful for Jen, almost her own therapeutic method. Just then Tilly looked p to see Jen looking at her and was surprised to see a hint on a smile glistening in her eyes. Before she got the chance to look deeper Jen saw Tilly had seen her and quickly looked away.

'Stop being so careless Jen, it was because of this type of behaviour that you broke up with her' Jen chastised herself. She proceeded then, to avoid temptaion at her feet, to walk around checking others work. Some she saw had barely started to she needed to help give ideas. She walked around everyone deliberately trying to leave Tilly till last, so she might avoid her but a that seemed impossible as nearly everyone had now had their ideas down and were painting and some were almost finished. 'im going to have to go over there eventually' Jen thought to herself.

She moved herself over to Tilly's desk and looked down at Tilly's creation. It was breath taking. She had painting a sun setting below the view point and in the shadows gormley statues stood and the silhouette of a womens body was standing by the sea, her hair blowing gently in the breeze and her slightly turned around to face the person above. no features could be identified but it was unmistakably her.

Tilly could feel Jens presence behind her and continued adding detail to the amber glowing sun as it set over the sea. She heard a sharp intake of breath from Jen and knew she must have seen the figure she had added in the last minute deciding to represent the full truth of a moment she would never forget. She had seen Jen walking round the whole class and saw her tentively start walking towards her as though afraid of what she might receive. 'As she's here i might as well make the most of it, i mean she cant completely brush me off, infront of everyone' Tilly thought before she turned to face 'Miss Gilmore'.

"erm, Miss, i was wondering if you could help me add more detail, i dont want it to seem empty... again" Tilly knew it would make Jen nervous speaking of when they first met and spoke properly, where Jen had completely disregarded Tilly's hardwork, but it was worth it, just to get one up on her. To show her she want going to hide behind any false facades anymore.

"Oh, well, it pretty much.. Well perfect if I'm honest Tilly. The way you've captured the light cascading down across the beach, its breathtaking" Jen avoided all comment on the silhouette but she hoped Tilly would understand why and not push her further.

Tilly couldn't believe her ears. Jen calling her work perfect. She didnt igore the fact that she hadn't mentioned the shapes in the backgroud, but was too amazed at the comments. "wow, do you think so?" inquired Tilly.

"of course, most of what you do is amazing" Jen was shocked at her own admission. She hoped Tilly would just take it in just all her work is amazing but she doubted it. Tilly often understood what she meant better than herself. Yet again Jen had let herself slip up.

She just looked up at Tilly to see her slightly red in the cheeks but giving Jen a confused look. She had most probably the same look plastered on her face. Jen quickly recovered herself "Erm just add a few cross hatched to make it more 3D and give it more shading to emphasis the deepness of the setting sun" she explained and took her leave, hearing an imperceptible "thankyou" as she walked back to the desk.

There was only a couple of minutes left before the bell so she told them to pack up and place them on her desk. Many of them had finished and she saw the rush of the eagerness to escape, she couldnt blame them, all she wanted to do was leave yet one student seemed to be taking her time packing up.

As Tllly slowly walked up to the desk, purposefully making sure she was the last student, she saw Jen tense a little bit and it cut out some of her confidence 'is she really afraid to be in the same room as me alone?' Tllys inner thoughts were confirmed when Jen stated "just put it on the desk that will be all, thankyou" she wouldnt look at Tilly and instead pretended to Be interested in an email she'd jus been sent.

"I Was just wondering if you could check over it one more time?" Tilly sheepishly asked.

"im sorry Tilly im rather busy, ill check it over like the rest of them and tell you tomorrow what you need to improve" jen resisted the urge to add 'not that will be anything, your perfect' she thought it wouldnt be fair.

" But Jen I-" Tilly protested

"Is Miss Gilmore,Tilly, now please leave im extremely busy" Jen didnt mean it to come across as sharply as it had but she needed time to think, to clear her head and get away from Tilly. She saw the hurt look flicker across Tlly's face and felt immediately guilty, but it had done the job.

"Fine.. Sorry_ Miss Gilmore. _She walked out calmly not letting Jen see how much it had had and went straight to the girls toilets where she stayed trying to sort herself out. Why was Jen acting like this, surely she hasn't forgotten all we had? Or she never truly liked me! I need to get away from this place, away from her!

_'_oh what have i done, she'll never forgive me now, like i had a chance anyway' Jen placed her head in her hands, exhaling a sigh of frustration over her choices. She was hurting so much without Tilly. She was trying to remember all the reasons why she couldnt be with Tilly, but seeing her hurt left her mind at a blank. i cant let her think i hate her, its not true, but what else cold she do, Tilly would never take her back, she wouldn't understand why Jen had to do it. Not just for her, but for Tilly's future as well, if it got out shed be tormented for the rest of her life, Jen wouldn't be able to live with herself knowing that. But right now living knowing Tilly hated her was worse, she had to sort it out!

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Keep telling me wha youd like to happen next! Please review :) xx**


	4. Unrequited love? Deep confessions

Jen rushed from her classroom, trying to imagine where Tilly could have possibly gone. She went to the girls toilets and heard the audible sobs of the troubled teen echoing through the door. Jen checked it was empty and locked the bathroom door before continuing. "Tilly? Please just come out for a second. Im sorry, i was rash out there and didn't think I - "

"too right you didn't think, when do YOU! When have you ever thought about anything except yourself and your career? Ive sacrificed everything for you and i get half hearted-ness in return. Its not fair" Tilly's outburst struck deep within Jen and she was too upset to register and make a retort. However she was soon brought back by the sound of the cubicle door opening and the ginger head pushing past her to make her escape, Jen caught hold of Tilly's arm not realising this put her in an extremely close proximity. This didn't go unnoticed by Tilly and she could feel Jens breath tickling her head and for a second she allowed herself to feel comforted by it. Then she realised that this wasn't "that" Jen, this was the one who wanted things her was, no consideration of others feelings. She kept her voice neutral as she spoke "Miss Gilmore, would you please remove your hand" Tilly saw the battle going on in Jens eyes, the only thing that showed Jens emotions, swirling behind those rich dark brown eyes, hurt flashed across at the formal address of which Tilly had spoken in, and the debate would mean either letting her go, which neither wanted to loose the current connection, or risk having Tilly even angrier and Jen didn't want to know the repercussions. She reluctantly let go and both felt the loss of the heat immediately. "Tilly, please i just wanted to explain,what you did in class, i cant let my guard down around you"

"Then stop with the touches, the little comments! Each time it builds me up and then.. Then.. I just come crashing down again and again" Tilly looked away from those enthralling eyes of her and wiped the tears leaking down her eyes. Another sign of weakness showed to her Tilly thought inwardly. Who wanted to show that they cared in front of someone who obviously didn't? "You need to realise, that maybe, its me that doesn't want to be with you, have you considered that? The amount I've been messed around, I'm done with it all!" it hurt Tilly more that she thought, but it was the cleansing she needed to, say the words out loud, and maybe it could a new start for her.

Jen couldn't believe her ears, of all the hurtful things Tilly could've said about the way she had been treated and fucked aroundwas understandable, but to hear that Tilly doesn't like her anymore? That was unexpected and heartbreaking.. Tilly was a constant, someone she knew was there, maybe she had just gone that step too far? "Tilly.. Im so so so sorr-" Jen pleaded

"its not enough now Jen, it doesn't cut it" Tilly knew what needed to be said and had to do it now otherwise she would never do it. "i think is best if you stay away from me from now often, i need space, to get over, to start anew, you owe me that much" and from that Tilly walked over and unlocked the door leaving a crestfallen Jen behind. Tilly got as far as the stairs before collapsing in a heap on the floor, grateful for it being middle of lessons. She realised though that Jen may come at anytime and that alone made her move, she couldn't look back to see the damage caused. 'she deserved it', her subconscious whispered.

Jen watched the retreating figure and wanted nothing more than to follow,but Tilly was right, she owed her that much, she had her chance and made her choice, it was time both of them moved on, Tilly could never understand her real reasons. Se would leave her be and they would have a typical teacher student relationship.

Jen wiped her eyes and left the bathroom, in affect leaving 'her' Tilly behind. She taught the rest of the day, bleary eyed and barely registering her pupils. She had a meeting after school about the upcoming end of year trip and knew it may be chance to get away from all the hassle in chester. Mr keeler caught up with her and asked her to join him in his office. "Hi, Jen, listen i wanted to ask your permission about turning the end of year trip for certain subjects into a whole year trip, you know, to encourage friendships and unity, after all its only a one time ing it wont be that much hassle to re arrange will it?" He looked at Jen expectantly. "Erm.. No it shouldn't ill just have to book a few more cabins, but are you sure i mean it will mean taking students of time table and.." Jen could think of any other reasons so just left the sentence hanging in the air.

"Listen i know I'm asking a lot but i just think it will be a good idea, im hear to help with anything and its just the final few weeks it wont have much affect on the students" Keller seemed to be insistent so Jen had no choice but to nod and leave it there.

She couldn't believe it, her one escape had been taken away and know she was stuck with a week away with the person who wanted nothing more than to be away from her. How could Tilly believe that she hadn't arranged this. It seemed to unreal not to be something Jen had planned? Oh god. This is going to be so awkward!

she returned home and much to her delight Sinead and Diane had gone out for the night leaving Jen to dwell on how she could make this not be real. Maybe she could hand it on to another teacher? She knew it was low but what other options did she have? but keeler was expecting her now and she knew it would be easier to go on the trip and just show Tilly how she can live without her. as that was what Tilly wanted was it?

it was another restless night for both Jen and Tilly each thinking about what might have been or what could be but neither will give in knowing that the other will get their way.

Sometimes in love you've got to learn the limits and how far you can go, if its true there aren't boundaries just constant love which bind with forgiveness and neither will ever hate. Jen and Tilly needed to figure if there is a limit with each other.. a trip is the perfect place thought Jen, sighing deeply. Time to break the news.

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**hey thanks for reading.. I appreciate all your support, please leave a review telling me what you want to happen and ill try and incorporate it into the story. love! love! love! You all! Xx**


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